![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.pechism.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/01\/guac01-300x202.jpg\" "\\"Green")
<\/p>\nWe all cherish avocado, but let’s admit it:\u00a0 it’s not a very giving lover.\u00a0 Half the time we find in the store, it’s completely unripe and could be used as a whetstone.\u00a0 Other times, it’s so ridiculously soft that merely inspecting it in the supermarket not only dents the damn peel, but unleashes the sickeningly sweet stench of death.\u00a0 Avocados are fickle.<\/p>\n
Even if, though, you either happen to luck out and discover the Most Perfectly Ripe Avocado in your supermarket (as I did at Marks & Spencer the other day), or you buy an unripe one, put it in a brown paper bag on your kitchen counter (sure-fire method) and let it stew for a day or two, once you pop that green gooper’s cherry you’d better be willing to commit.\u00a0 That’s right — in the words of the immortal Beyonce, if you like it then you’d better put a ring on it.\u00a0 Consume that avocado immediately, man, or you’ll get burned.<\/p>\n
For the Golden Globe Awards on Sunday, I decided to have a one-man party in my flat in London as the actual ceremony started at 1 am local time, making it rather difficult for those with busier schedules than mine (read: those who are gainfully employed).\u00a0 Still, as I am never one to turn down a chance at celebratory awards decadence, I made some homemade potato skins, some deviled eggs, piled up some cheeses, and rounded it all off with a bag of tortilla chips and some of my dang good guacamole.<\/p>\n
My standard recipe calls for four avocados — which, if there are two to three people, seems to be almost not enough.\u00a0 The cheese and eggs were, in fact, last minute additions and thus under my original calculations I figured the guacamole would be consumed entirely by yours truly.\u00a0 Consequently, I prepared far too much food for one person (thanks for rubbing off on me, Mom) and there was, gasp, a gratuitous guac surplus.<\/p>\n
I’m not going to lie — I knew what would happen; I just should have tossed it in the trash.\u00a0 Even lemon juice cannot stop the hands of time.\u00a0 Still, my Moneyless Self did not want to waste the \u00a32.50:\u00a0 I kept the guacamole, hoping beyond hope that the magically foggy weather of England would over-hydrate the air and stave off oxidation.\u00a0 Oh, how wrong was I.\u00a0 Click here<\/strong><\/a> for the result.\u00a0 Possibly NSFW; certainly not to be done with any Mexicans around.<\/p>\n The only avocados truly safe from oxidation are those from which you abstain.\u00a0 No lemon-flavored spermicide can save you from the grey-brown, airy HIV of the Aztec testicle tree<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" We all cherish avocado, but let’s admit it:\u00a0 it’s not a very giving lover.\u00a0 Half the time we find in the store, it’s completely unripe and could be used as a whetstone.\u00a0 Other times, it’s so ridiculously soft that merely … Continue reading